Saints Row 2

I don't even know where to start with this. I did, in fact, know where to end it, and that was less than an hour after I started playing. This game is crap.

It was readily apparent as soon as I took a shot. "Pop." What the hell? I just SHOT a GUN, and that's the best sound effect they can give me? I've got a 5.1 system with the bass maxed, which ten minutes ago made my heart stop when I fired the Fat Boy in Fallout, and all I get is a lame pop. Ok fine, maybe the later guns are better. Let's just get this tutorial over with.

Oh no, guards! Alright, time to aim and fire. Wait, no auto aim? This is gonna take a little more skill I guess. Oh wait, no it doesn't. Completely unsatisfying shooting system. Next up is a helicopter with two guys shooting at me. This should be fun, in GTA4 you could snipe out the pilot, which was awesome, I'd like to see how they top that! Oh, after the two guys in the back are dead, the chopper just falls out of the air. Were they thinking at all when this was made? Wasn't this DELAYED for POLISHING?

The game just feels completely cheesy. Driving is awkward and jumpy, nobody seems to care when you shoot someone (as opposed to GTA4, where just discharging a firearm got you a wanted level), even when the cops are after you it doesn't seem to matter, as the AI is completely retarded... Did I mention the physics are nonsensical? I had to tow a car, with a tow truck, and the car on the back made driving absolutely impossible. I was ripping donuts while just making a simple right turn.

GTA4 was a polished, well executed game. It had its faults, but overall you could almost believe that you could go outside and jack a car, and things would turn out similarly. When people compared this game to GTA4 (especially their own commercials), I figured it would be a similar experience. It's not. Saints Row 2 is just a poorly compiled list of things that might be fun if the engine tying them together didn't make you want to shoot yourself with your stupid pop gun. If I had to compare it to a game, it would be GTA3 for PS2, and even then it would come up short. It tries so hard to be edgy, but it's just pathetic really.

Don't buy this game. Please. Not even because it's completely unoriginal, that would honestly be fine with me. It could be Nicky Bellis in Libertree City, as long as it played well it would still be fun. This is not fun, this is an embarrassment.